I was alone for the first time in the woods. I went onto the trail without a sign from anyone around, but on the way back, I saw a pile of fresh bear scat in the middle of the trail. I first heard noises behind the trees off to the distance and then saw the bushes move. “Of course I would get mauled by a bear the very first time I decided to hike by myself,” or so I thought, and so I picked up my hiking pace three-fold and made it out of the heavily-bear-populated mountains with a story. That was a little over a year ago.Continue reading “How To Be Alone On Top Of A Mountain”
October 24: Her
Sometimes I think about it in swiftly passing glances,
That it were me that you had chosen instead of her.
I ponder for a moment, but what I find in my intent is that I wouldn’t have lived my life this way.
I would have never climbed mountains, ran marathons, or have seen so many places.
I would not be the girl happily sitting here today.
I wouldn’t trade it for the world. Although a lot is what I endured,
But where I want to be and what I have loved along the way is being able to meet so many brilliant faces that have shaped the girl happily sitting here today.
October 25: Pretty
She was pretty.
Pretty enough to paint every line and curve that defined her face.
She could have been a portrait. Perhaps, she was a portrait, and we had been tip-toeing around a pretty inanimate object in the middle of the living space.
Room, she captured all of it, a space filled with eyes all resting on her.
She lived her life oblivious to the stares from the crowd.
She could kill any person with glancing murder.
She could have been an assassin. Perhaps, she failed at being an assassin because for her entire life she was a killer.
October 26: Light
I saw the light leave your eyes like the setting sun sinking softly out at sea,
And like the twilight of the evening I noticed the dark and grew concerned.
I was alone now under the floating tarp covered in thousands of twinkling lights.
Your light was no longer beside me.
And all I could do was continue moving forward.
Then suddenly, sometime soon, I know another sun will rise to greet a new day,
And I, like the dawn of the morning, will be drowned in warm light again.
October 27: Meaning
He asked me what I would say to God if I could have any question answered,
And I said that I would have little to say.
If I had to go on living after the question I would endure the rest of a life substandard,
And I would feel cheated at the end of the day.
To know what you shouldn’t know takes away the mysteries of life, And that is not how you should live.
You do the best you can until you reach the afterlife
Leaving everything else on earth with more stories to share and love to give.
October 28: Memories
We walk haphazardly down the street with our fake smiles
And all I think about are the other times we’ve been here in this place.
You think your own set of unique questions and I watch as your mind runs a race.
There are so many memories, but we comment on none.
We never pause to recollect or relive the fun,
And that’s how I knew we were over and passed the point of done.
I ended the relationship in my mind in an instant as if I solved our problem with a gun.
October 29: Language
I see your mouth move and contort into different shapes,
But I do not understand any of the sounds it makes.
Your voice has changed and the sounds that leave your body are unknown.
I listen to you like I’m having a conversation under water over the phone.
I know less of who you are as you go about your day. Your interests are different and you only deeply consider your pay.
Your familiarity grows strange as I lose my grasp of who you are.
You become the blurred details on the side of the road as I speed by in my car.
October 30: God
I am not a man.
I am the whole Universe,
Though no one believes.
October 31: Friendship
Here we are, five hundred and seventy- four fortnights after we first said, “hello.”
We were babies then and couldn’t imagine a life at the time where we ended up together.
You were the wild one, and I was the girl that was mellow.
We both rubbed off on each other and continue to evolve on this journey forever.
You said once that we were soulmates and I believe it to be so.
I think about this sometimes during the day, and I promise to find you in the next life when we both go.
The memory fades away with every breath breathed in its direction. The very act of recalling the memory destroys it piece by piece as though my mind attempts to chisel itself away. However, instead of an uncovered work of art from polished marble, I’m left with the rough sections of jagged rock lying in ruins. The memory – or was it a dream? – is now left alone upon the realization of this fact of degradation. It’s kept haphazardly locked away in a mind constantly trying to shove more memories into the very limited space of matter. Continue reading “The First Memory”
I opened my door one morning to a vaguely thick layer of frigid gray fog. My charcoal-colored car, which was parked out front, barely emerged from the winter-like surroundings. I thought to myself that it hadn’t been this foggy this far inland in a while.
As I made my way down my apartment steps towards my car, a felt a small smile creep onto my face. It felt like it was now officially autumn, and not what felt like the perpetual summer, with brief pauses that allowed a chilly breeze, that most Southern Californians were accustomed to experiencing. I didn’t want to jinx it by grabbing a jacket, but I did think about all the sweaters I could now break out of the small “winter” section of my closet. Continue reading “What’s Woven Into The Fog”
The deep orange and warm yellow light from the setting sun seeps into the car through a thin sheet of lightly tanned dust that is gently layered over the windshield. I calmly gaze out beyond the sea of slowly moving vehicles that are stuck in traffic to the horizon. The subtle bits of grime and dust wouldn’t have been as noticeable if it wasn’t for the incandescent rays from the falling orb in the sky, but I find the messy view comforting.
It’s this image of the dusty windshield that steals away my thoughts and brings me back to older times. I’m reminded of long drives in pickup trucks along the dusty back roads that are nestled in between fields of growing crops out in the country. I can easily hear conversations and sing-alongs to classic country songs with my best friend as I soak in the similarly warm glimmers of a sunset that finds its way through the dusty windshield.Continue reading “Dirty Windshields”
I took a breath as I stepped out into the light. A familiar scent of dust covered asphalt gently baking like a sheet of homemade cookies in an oven brushed by me as I began to exhale. The subtle scent would sit on the tip of my nostrils as I walked to my car that was strategically parked under the eve of a nearby building’s roof. I felt a heaviness in the air as I sifted through the barely noticeable light summer breeze. It was undoubtedly warm outside, and the thermometer I saw, after I finally climbed into my car and turned on the engine, indicated that it was steadily growing warmer. Continue reading “The Breath of Summer”
I looked around the dance floor at the wildly flailing 20-somethings vibrantly moving and singing to the Katy Perry song that was blaring through the nearby speakers. High heels had already been thrown alongside the venue’s walls where flowers and table decorations had fell during the enthusiastic celebration. Among the faces of young adults spotlighted in yellow lights was a group of people who I had come to know over the course of 10 years. I laughed as we brought back terrible dance moves that no sane person would attempt in public.
“I think I’m bringing back the shopping cart, you guys,” I said raising my hand from the imaginary shopping cart to grab the invisible grocery product. I managed to carefully place the product in the cart.
A friend who was happily twisting her hips in the washing machine motion had screamed. “Ah! Prom!” Continue reading “Under the Twirling Strobe Lights”
A loud crash of boxes startles me and my heart skips a beat. I notice that the alarming sound has come from the closet that I used while I was in high school. No really one goes into my old room unless I’m visiting my friends and family in Bakersfield, so I’m curious to see what has disturbed my untouched room.
I walk over to the door and slowly slide the rolling door of my closet open and peek inside. As suspected two boxes has crashed onto the floor. However, they are not just any boxes. These worn shoes boxes that have been decorated with brightly colored paper and wrapping were my memory boxes filled to the brim with small knick-knacks and trinkets that represented moments that have passed long ago. Continue reading ““J” is for Junk”
I can’t stay present in one reality.
Zoning out and tuning in;
Shifting thoughts and gazing off
Into distant memories that populate my day dreams
And take up huge amounts of space in my mind.
The drifting moments take me off
Into other worlds and different realities
Where the warping of stars and beautiful
Swirling planetary systems change
And are not the familiar parts
Of the universe that I usually see.
At times I fall deep into a nightmare
And worrying thoughts from conscious life
Plague the spaces usually reserved for better things.
Images, words, sounds, saying, and phrases
Float in and come out of my mind, and sometimes,
They make their way onto paper.
I love it when Kid Cudi collaborates with some of my favorite artists. It’s like peanut butter and jelly. #memories Lol