A Writer's 21st Century Memoir.

The Department Store Diaries: Day 1

As a recently hired customer service associate, I spent five hours on Monday sitting in on cheesy acting, ridiculously cheap graphics, and terrible raps about department store safety. At times I thought that I was going to gouge my eyes out, but instead the gal sitting next to me kept me entertained with her random comments about the inexperienced retail sales performers.

I was saved that day with my own sarcasm and my ability to view a badly acted out armed robbery as an incredibly hilarious sketch comedy. The shanking of little Cindy wasn’t supposed to make anyone laugh out loud or anything, but I couldn’t help chuckle at the saleswomen who had messed up so bad on her first day that she ended up bleeding on the nicely polished floor.

After listening to the terrified shrieks of my fellow trainee associates I was introduced to another serious video about the dangers of sexual harassment in the workplace.

“Hey Cindy, there are two things that I like about that sweater,” a sleazy looking male salesperson said to the recently stabbed Cindy. He was acting as if he was fondling her perfect breasts.

“What?” Cindy said in disgust.

Geez, I hear you Cindy. From the looks of it that woman was having a terrible first day, but this only made me even more excited to get out there and start greeting people in the store. I was happy that I was actually getting paid to watch terribly hilarious safety videos all day, and I didn’t mind our training supervisor passing out candy and telling all of the “new kids on the block,” as she called us, all sorts of weird stories involving people getting lost in the store as well as all of the in-and-outs that every employee needs to know.

It was definitely an interesting first day on the job to say the least. I learned a lot about the place that I was going to be working at for the summer. It should turn out to be a great experience—I think.

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