I had no lunch, I was dehydrated and I had time in my second trip to the store to think about my confusing life. It was on my third run to the same store that day that all my problems that had been piling up made me snap.
“Can you go out one more time to get those again,” said one of the people in charge of the interns.
“ARE YOU SERIOUS?! ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?!” I’m going to kill everyone. I said under my breath.
“Never mind! Never mind!” I saw her face shift into shock.
I didn’t want to hurt anybody because my angry mood so I set down my keys and angrily walked over to my desk to type on the computer I had to borrow because mine was dead and I left the charger at home. I really did try to have a better day that day, but some other force was turning the normally calm and chill Jasmine into a giant squid of anger.
I didn’t know if the universe, or whatever, was telling me to quit and saying that I shouldn’t be here in Los Angeles, or trying to put me through the ultimate test, and it was really making me crazy. I was a small town girl in one of the major metropolitan areas and I just couldn’t adjust.
I had just lost my job, I had no money, I had a growing gas bill, my second internship never reimbursed me for the overpriced parking, I was sleeping on a blow-up mattress on the floor, and I was so incredibly exhausted. I looked like I was on the verge of death and the Calvary wasn’t coming for me.
I thought about how all my internships were located in this big city and how I never wanted to live here, and it really put things into perspective. If I wanted to work in this business then I would have to drive in and around this area. Did I really want to do that?
But what else would I do? What else could I do? I didn’t know if I should continue on the path that I was moving. Life decisions would have to be made before I graduated at the end of 2012. I thought a job in showbiz could be something that I wanted to do, and that’s why I took this particular internship, but after talking with one of my fellow interns I wasn’t so sure.
“Did you major in communications?”
“No, actually, I got picked up on the intern website by the boss and was asked to work as an intern and possibly work my way up to being an onscreen host,” she said as I watched her eyes fill with excitement about the position she holds now. “My dream job is to be in front of the camera and get into entertainment and this was the perfect opportunity to do so.”
She spoke about the long and strenuous road trip she took with her boyfriend across country to move here and get this position and how thankful she was for the chance at living her dreams. I didn’t have an interest in this crazy life of entertainment like she did. And I thought to myself, what was I doing here? I really didn’t care about joining the ranks of Hollywood’s famous people, and here I was in a small Hollywood studio taking up someone else’s dreams. This other intern drove across country for this spot and I just stumbled into this by accident. I wasn’t sure why I was picked to be in this position, or how I really got here. I was confused about why I even applied at this point and how this will all play out in my future.
I packed up my things that day with the uncertainty of whether or not I should even come back. I couldn’t tell if I was just frustrated because I was just having a bad day or if this was a sign I should get out now and find something that I didn’t totally suck at in life.
I guess the rest of this summer is here for me to find out.