A Writer's 21st Century Memoir.

The Department Store Diaries: Day 3

“Okay you new kids! Get those smiles on and let’s go to the meeting! Whooooo!”

My training supervisor had to be on crack. She was way too hyper and all smiley not to be on some sort of drugs this early in the morning. She flung her curly blonde hair around as she danced down to the department meeting.

“Yeah! Whooo! Let’s go see everyone! I want to have em’ meet all you new kids on the block!”

The eight of us girls wearily filed into the women’s department before the store opened to a group of women that were already waiting to start the day.

“Ya! I wood love to organize me closet by color an size like we do in da store,” I overheard one of the lead sales associates say. She sounded ridiculous when she spoke about going home to organize her closet after she would spend all day organizing things in the store. She sounded even more ridiculous with her accent. “Ahh! da new girls!”

“Yeah these are all the new kids on the block! I’m so excited! Whooo!”

These people were all crazy, and I was clearly already annoyed with everyone at the meeting. It was really early, Ms. Smiley pants couldn’t stop squirming around in the store’s aisles, and this foreign chick couldn’t stop talking about rearranging her closet.

The department head walked up in front of everyone to talk about yesterday’s sales and other information that I really wasn’t all that interested in. I stayed at the meeting because I happened to see a box of muffins in the corner behind the group of crazy employees.

“Okay yous guys! Da department manager wants to take da time to honor one of our employees who have been here for a long while!” The Eastern European nut job acted like she was in charge of everything and pushed aside people with her bony hip. “Ya. Here he is!”

Our store manager presented an elderly employee with an expensive watch for working at the store for thirty years. She never said anything—I hope someone checked to make sure she was still alive.

“Okay you new kids on the block! Let’s get out there and start greeting the customers! Whoooo! Remember, the customers are the boss. Make sure you keep the customer first!”

Dear God make it stop.

Read the madness from the beginning.

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