A Writer's 21st Century Memoir.

The Department Store Diaries: Day 37

For the commercial part of America, and every department store circling the globe, the holiday season starts in September. During this time the store is stocked with ridiculous sweaters, fugly fur coats, and more overly-priced jeans. This also means that it’s the time for Christmas themed gift cards and charity.

“Okay teams, we needs to start asking these customers about our charities program. Asks them to donate theirs changes to the store insteads. Okay everyones?” The foreign supervisor gave out little buttons mentioning the charity helping underprivileged children for the associates to put on their badges. We then broke up the morning meeting and went to our cash registers.

It was about a few hours into my shift when I decided to step out from my hiding place in the stock room and start ringing up customers.

“Hello sir, did you find everything okay today?” I started scanning and bagging his dress pants and shirts.

“Umm, yeah. You didn’t want the purse right babe?” The customer turned to his girlfriend who was rummaging through the nasty raspberry chocolates. The woman just ignored him and threw the candy on the counter.

I just looked to the computer and totaled their purchase. “Okay, that will be $34.94. Would you like to round up your purchase to the nearest dollar and donate the change to the children’s chari-“

“-F#ck the children.”

I just smiled to keep back from my inevitable and gradually uncontrollable laughter. “Excuse me sir?” I turned around and looked to the customer rummaging through his wallet.

“Honey, that is so rude. How are you going to say ‘f#ck the children like that?” The woman was stuffing the candy into her face as she scolded her boyfriend.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for it to come out that way.”

I couldn’t help it anymore and just started cracking up at the register.

“Ugh, I can’t take you anywhere. You’re so rude.”

“I’m sorry babe.”

“Hahaha, it’s totally okay.” I took his money and gave him back the change that was robbing all the poor children in the area of food that Christmas and watched the couple walk out of the store past the bushes where kids pee before the girlfriend hit her boyfriend upside the back of his head.

I laughed so loud that all the customers in the area looked up from their usual dumping-all-of-the-clothes-on-the-floor routine to look at me doubling over in hysterical laughter. “Hahahahahahahaha!”

I don’t know why I haven’t gotten fired from this job yet.

Read the madness from the beginning.

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